When I went running Thanksgiving morning, I felt strong. I felt stronger than I have in a long time. One of the hardest things for me since we lost the baby has been finding strength, physical and emotional. It's been hard for me to believe in my body when it had broken down so badly.
But running those 5 miles Thursday morning was an example that my body can be strong again. It can guide me through pain and times of weakness. It can propel me forward and help me move on with my life.
I don't like to run with music because it isn't safe. So I think. I listen to the sound of my breath and the sound of my feet hitting the ground. I love that sound. But this Thursday, in addition to listening to the sound of my feet, I thought about how thankful I was that I felt the way I did. I felt thankful for myself.
This Thanksgiving was difficult in that I felt happy and sad at the same time. I was happy to be with wonderful friends and family. But sad at what we've lost. It's hard to manage such opposing feelings. But that run Thursday morning helped so much. It showed me how far I've come since that awful day in July. How I can be thankful for what I have and mourn what I've lost. That it's all right to do both. I'm strong enough to do both.
I ran again this morning. 10 miles. The longest run since I started running again. It felt good. It was cold and windy to start but we warmed up quickly. The trail was really quiet and beautiful. We saw a bunch of deer. It turned out to be a great run.
The next time I feel low or overwhelmed, I'll try to remember how I felt this weekend. My Thanksgiving began with feeling grateful for what I have, sad for what I've lost, but ultimately thankful for me. In all the hoopla we forget to be thankful for ourselves and what we can do. I was reminded of that on that run and I'll never forget it.